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Quit Your Whining About Valentine’s Day!

February 11, 2009

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Listen up, all you straight guys!  A gay man is going to tell you what to do about Valentine’s Day.  You’ve been complaining for months that your girl, your wife, your significant other just isn’t putting out on a regular basis, and now, the one sure night you could get some loving, you’re going to mess it up by complaining that Hallmark is forcing you to say “I Love You” just so they and the florists can make huge profits.  Well, as the song goes, it ain’t necessarily so.  Valentine’s Day celebrations took place long before Hallmark ever printed a greeting card. 

So, let this romantic fairy tell you what you need to do to keep your woman happy, and score yourself some passionate lovemaking on February 14th.   First, stop complaining about how you’re being blackmailed, bribed, coerced, forced to fork out big bucks to let your girl know what she already knows:  that you love her.   Second, this little celebration doesn’t have to cost you a lot of money.  If your woman has any depth (read: not a shallow gold-digger), you can put forth a small amount of effort and reap big rewards. 

Here’s my suggestion:  DO buy a gift.  It can be something small, like a candle, or stuffed animal, or inexpensive jewelry.  You might even skip the gift, and buy the $15 flowers at WalMart, if you follow my next suggestion.

Dinner:  you can take her to dinner, but that may mean handing over big bucks, and that’s if you’ve remembered to make a reservation.  Instead, why not “cook” for her?  I know, you can’t cook, but I bet you have a microwave oven and a supermarket nearby.  Here’s the plan:  create an easy, almost no-cook meal, and serve it to her.   Most supermarkets make it almost painless to look like you’ve spent hours in the kitchen.   Purchase the following things:

  • bag of salad
  • small bag of sliced almonds for the salad
  • make sure you have salad dressing, something light
  • frozen vegetables in a steamer bag
  • rice or mashed potatoes in a microwave container
  • rotisserie chicken from the deli or Boston Market
  • 2 slices of cheesecake from the bakery

That’s the basic meal.  If you’ve got some skills you can add more to the salad, dress up the veggies, and add a sauce to the cheesecake.  Don’t forget some wine or champagne.

Now, get the table ready.  Think about where you will serve the meal.  The dining room is nice, but why not try another room?  How about setting up a small table, with a tablecloth, in the living room?  Even better, set the table in the bedroom.  Use your best dishes, add some candles, and be sure to have some music playing.  Make sure the music is conducive to getting her in the mood.   The best part of having dinner in the bedroom is that you’ve already got her close to the bed!  How can she refuse after all this “effort” you’ve made? 

Straight men:  I have faith in you!  You can do it!  And she will reward you with a night of passion, I guarantee it!

3 comments

  1. and you have just, with this post, answered the eternal question as to why women like gay guys. ;> great post! -men seeking women might wanna add some good chocolate to the menu, tho’. dinner + romance + good wine + good chocolate = slam dunk.


  2. For a gay dude, you got this down pat. I think I know a guy who’s in for a good time on Valentine’s Day. I hope, for your sake or maybe for his sake, he responds as you’d like.

    For me, I’m going to have some real fun in the process. I’ll be making Jenna some real gumbo and shrimp creole over angel hair pasta. She can’t resist my cooking.


  3. So, big guy, how was your Valentine’s Day. Mine included manning the Empire State pride Agenda booth at the Black and Hispanic Legislator’s Conference, and a quick trip into NYC so Jenna could visit the amazing library there.

    Now, before you say diddly, I know what my partner likes – and she was very, very appreciative.

    Good for you! I’m glad things worked out for you. Our celebration went very well, although we had to celebrate early, on Thursday because of commitments with our kids. So, it was a candlelight dinner; I made tilapia with a cherry almond sauce, steamed veggies, and a wild rice with sun-dried tomatoes. We had champagne, chocolate, and for dessert I made ice cream floats with Jones’ Soda FuFuBerry flavor. I’ll spare you the rest…..



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