1,000 Hits

 

That’s right!  This blog has reached 1,000 hits this month!   That’s a new record.

What have I learned?  I’ve learned that the titles of the posts need to be sensational headlines akin to the National Enquirer. 

I’d like to thank my daughter for being the drum major at IUP.  When all those high school drum majors do a search about audition routines, they end up here. 

I’d like to thank a certain Baptist Church whose members are sneaking over to look at my blog after their pastor mentioned me in his sermon last week.  Yes, I am marrying another man; we’re registered at Lowe’s.  Gift cards are acceptible. 

I’d also like to thank Gretchen and Celeste.  God knows there are plenty of people doing searches for “lesbian couples” and they always manage to find my entry about their wedding. 

Thank you, to my readers.  Some of you keep coming back for more, and I appreciate that. 

Spiritually Deaf and Blind: 2 out of 3 Ain’t Bad

I’ve had the pleasure of engaging in somewhat of a dialog with a Southern Baptist Minister for the past day or so.  I thought the discussion was pleasant until this morning when the minister voiced his concern that he was being targeted for his anti-gay speech.  Very quickly, he shut down his church’s blog to comments from the general public.  Note to bloggers:  if you put it out there in the public realm, you can be sure someone will see it, comment, and perhaps disagree with you. 

Pastor Rick’s blog announced that he would be preaching against gay marriage this Sunday morning (June 22) and gave the scripture reference.  I suspected that this would be prooftexting so I made a comment that asked Pastor Rick to go beyond Romans 1: 18-32, and include Romans 2, which demonstrates what Paul was trying to teach the christians in Rome at that time.  Many believe that Paul was condemning homosexuality with this scripture, but careful reading reveals that this is just not the case.  It is hard for some christians to accept this, and this appears to be the case with Pastor Rick. 

By Sunday afternoon, we get a sense of the direction this is going to take.  Pastor Rick feels targeted by myself and the one other person out of six that I messaged about this blog. I brought it to their attention with the purpose of reading my response, not to engage in an attack against Pastor Rick.  We very quickly hear the slippery slope arguments of allowing gay marriage will mean that polygamy, child prostitution, and all forms and expressions of sexuality would become legal.  In a later response to my friend, Matt, Pastor Rick distances himself from comparing homosexuality to child rape, yet it’s clear by listing them together, even in an order meant to show levels of depravity, that P. Rick does not think very highly of gay people. 

I downloaded the sermon and listened to what the good pastor had to say.  I took some notes.  There was a carefully planned introduction that made sure the audience knew that this week’s news story about gay marriage came from a sinful place: California. He now refers to it as the “left coast” because it has “left” America’s morality; it’s left sensibility. There you go, let’s get started with the sweeping generalizations.  P. Rick is in favor of a theocracy as evidenced by his statement that “What is not legal in God’s eyes should not be legal in man’s eyes.”  Human dignity regarding LGBT people is disregarded throughout the sermon as the vocal inflections imply sarcasm: “People who say they are gay” and an elongation of the word “ho-mo-sex-u-al” with a drawl.  Keep in mind, Californians, because of you, ”we’re going down the toilet.”

Outside of Matt and myself, Pastor Rick knows all he knows about gay people from his 2, count them, 2 college friends who are gay.  Here’s what Pastor Rick knows:  gay people are not happy, they are afraid of disease, and afraid that their partner will leave them because “that’s the nature of this kind of relationship”; they live in fear.  When Matt pointed out that these were “sweeping generalizations” P. Rick pointed to his 2 college friends as evidence that this was not a generalization.  Hint, P. Rick: drawing a conclusion about an entire group of people based on your experience with just 2 of them is generalizing.  Perhaps these college friends are just losers. 

There is much more in the sermon, but I want to take a look at the interaction that took place today, in P. Rick’s blog.  In the comments section of his blog, I pointed out the inconsistency regarding his “sweeping generalizations” as well as the religious and political conservative’s opinion that LGBT people should be denied Civil marriage.  I asked how he can deny gay and lesbian people the opportunity to commit to each other in a monogamous relationship, then turn around and ridicule them for being promiscuous.  It’s clear to me that people, gay and straight, have looked to their religious leaders for guidance and received bad advice.  When your pastor stands in the pulpit and says that gay men have sex with hundreds of other men in their life time, the young gay man sitting in the pew hears this is what is expected of him because of the way God created him.  Gay people hear that their relationships are worthless, not valid to be considered for marriage, and often fulfill that expectation. 

At this point, something seems to snap.  Pastor Rick is suddenly complaining that we’ve taken the time to respond and engage in discussion.  In what appears to be anger, he states “You guys knocked on MY door. YOU initiated this. You are the ones that conspired together to make comments on my church website.”  I apologized and assured Pastor Rick that he had not been “targeted” and that there was no conspiracy.  Here’s the final paragraph of my last comment:

You, Bro. Rick, have a degree in psychology. You are probably aware that not only the American Psychological Association, but other professional organizations believe that a homosexual orientation is naturally occurring and unchangeable. How is it justifiable to deny people CIVIL rights based on your religious beliefs when the science says this is natural for some people?

Perhaps that is what ended the discussion.  However, I noticed something about all of my comments; most of them were ignored. There was no acknowledgement that he did indeed make generalizations based on stereotypes or limited exposure to LGBTpeople.  There was no response to my appeal to his psychology degree and the scientific evidence of which, as a psych major, he would surely be aware of.  There was no hint that he understands a marriage license issued by the state government is not the same as a religious ceremony conducted by a minister in a church.  Instead, we get a mantra of ”it’s a sin” because God says it is, and a list of buzzwords typically used by fundamentalists to degrade LGBT people:  lifestyle, alternative choice, and claims that orientation is changeable, yet groups like Exodus can not provide valid and reliable studies to demonstrate this. 

Finally, Pastor Rick explodes with this:

You are using a common intimidation argument by GLBTgroups. Civil rights are reserved for groups of people based on race, gender, disabilities & age, but not sexual orientation. While there have been some gains by GLBTgroups in this arena, you aren’t guaranteed civil rights based on your sexual preferences. So don’t go there.

Matt,

 

To all, since this is my website, I get the last word. Comments are now turned off on this post.

 

 

 

My thanks to Wendy at bridgeout for the idea of using the church sign generator to create this pic. 

Blogging for LGBT Families Day!

 

I’ve rewritten this first sentence a few times now:  I wanted to talk about how busy we’ve been lately, that being parents of school-age kids means that May has a hectic schedule.  Then I thought about the age range of our seven kids, 9-20, and realized that no matter what age they are, there is always something to command a parent’s attention regarding kids and school.  It starts when you enroll them in preschool and I guess I’ll have to let you  know when it ends. 

In the past month, we’ve attended band concerts, dressed one up for the prom as well as graduation, picked one up at college and taken her back for a spring course, then loaded the van to bring her home again.  We’ve planned a graduation party, arranged for transportation of another kid to school for a sports physical, and attended an awards ceremony for yet another son who did well in art class this past year.  There has been a dentist appointment, a job interview, a school picnic, Boy Scouts, a rock concert, and a road trip.  That sounds like a lot of fun, but the parents have been left out of the fun stuff, except for delivering the kids to some of those events. 

For most parents, I haven’t described anything unfamiliar, some may be wishing that their schedule was so light.  The difference is that this is a blended family, the children are sharing their parents and dealing with step-siblings.  Again, no big deal, a lot of kids do that, some better than others.  No need to write about that:  Been There, Done That, Wore Out the T-Shirt.  Our kids, though, are the offspring of our straight marriages.  I have three children;  two boys 19 & 9, and the only girl, 20.  My partner has 4 boys; the 18yo who just graduated, a 15yo, and 12yo twins.  We all live within 2 miles of each other, and although the mothers have physical custody of the kids, we all share in their care. 

Any problems?  Of course there are, children who find themselves in a new family dynamic that they didn’t choose will let you know when they aren’t happy.  At some point during the past 5 years, each kid has had their moment to let us know how they feel.  For us, the gay dads worried about how this will affect the kids, we’ve come to watch for certain indications that things are going well.  I like to watch for humor.  If the kids can joke about it, take a good-natured ribbing and turn it back on us with a snappy comeback and we all laugh about it, then I know we’re doing well. 

There are many voices from the religious right who would say that we’re destroying the American family, that if my partner and I would be allowed to marry, society would collapse, the children would become juvenile delinquents, and hurricanes would visit our great land.  They believe that a family is one man, one woman, and whatever children God sees fit to bless them with as a natural result of their physical intimacy.  While that may appear to be the paradigm, those who wish to enforce this on everyone by any means possible, including legislation by a civil government (not a theocracy) are ignoring one major issue.  There have always been families that do not fit.  These families exist now, have been around for a long time, and do not threaten to destroy our society. 

There are so many possible combinations that constitute a family:  single parents, grandparents raising kids, aunts and uncles taking in their nephews and nieces, extended families in one household, lesbian moms who have adopted, lesbian moms who carry their own babies, gay dads who became parents through a surrogate, gay dads like us who had their own kids through a straight relationship.  I know of blended families in which children no longer live with a biological parent because mom or dad have passed on after their divorce and remarriage.  They stay with the step-parent and are cared for by a loving new parent.  There are foster families and group homes, and probably many other arrangements that my mind can not conceive but those families work, in spite of varying from what some would declare normal. 

LGBT families are here, and have been for a long time.  If you’ve got a gay or lesbian family member, someone who is bisexual or transgendered in your own family, then you are part of an LGBT family.  Those LGBT people are living in their own nuclear families in a myriad of ways, and it is working.  It succeeds because of love. 

It is time for our country to stop bullying people into living lives that are dishonest.  The nuclear family of a man and a woman and a boy and a girl is a great example, but not the only example of what a family can be.  It doesn’t reflect the reality of our communities.  To write legislation into state constitutions that discriminates against LGBT people, preventing them from accessing marriage and the attending benefits and protections is not only wrong, but ignorant of what already exists and succeeds. 

Our family succeeds when I help my step-sons with their homework.  It succeeds when my partner helps my daughter move her belongings back home at the end of the college semester.  Love shows the way when one of my step-sons calls to say he’s lost and I get on google to find the street names he’s calling out and map him a way back home.  Family values guide us to sit down together for a meal and enjoy each other’s company.  Teaching those values to the kids cause my partner to involve my youngest son in a home remodelling project.  Those precious few “teachable” moments come when the twins need a haircut and money is short, so I get out the clippers and scissors and talk to them while I trim their hair. 

We already exist as a family.  To continue ignoring us, or to try to legislate us away, will not cause us to disappear.  That would only permit a certain group of people to feel good about their bigotry.

75 Days to Go

The wedding is approaching quickly and by the time most of you see this post, we will be at the 75 day point in the countdown.  There seems to be so much to do, and yet so much has been done already.  So let’s just review what has been done in the past few weeks.

• Wine kits were purchased to make the favors.  We have 12 gallons of wine fermenting to give to our guests.
• Labels have been printed for the wine bottles.
• Vows have been selected, including a ring ceremony, invocation, benediction and a few other features unique to our wedding.
• We have agreed on the wording of the invitation.
• The invitations have been printed.
• A deposit has been mailed to the DJ.
• Unique, personal stamps for the invitations have been purchased.
• Plans for the cake have been discussed with the baker, silk flowers for between the layers have been selected.
• The guest list is being finalized and addresses for those people have been acquired.
• Scott and I have had a discussion about our “first dance”.  Do we need lessons?  Can we watch a youtube instructional video and do this ourselves?  I don’t want to get out there and waddle back and forth like so many couples.  We’re gay!  We’ve got to do this right and do it big!
• Discussion with the musicians is ongoing.  I knew this part would be tough.  Being a musician, I have so many ideas of what I like and making a decision has been difficult.  My friends who are singing and playing are no help as they assure me that they will do whatever I ask them to do. 

It’s exciting, and nerve-wracking, and wonderful to plan a wedding.  It’s amazing to be so in love that we feel compelled to get married.  It’s also disheartening that the marriage won’t be legal.  In many ways, it doesn’t matter that the government won’t recognize this marriage.  When we say our vows, make our commitment to each other in front of friends and family, we will be married.  That marriage will be as strong, as valid as any other marriage;  it just won’t be legally recognized here in Pennsylvania. 

I suppose that I should warn all of the straight married couples now, Guard Your Marriage!  As of August 9th, 2008  Steve and Scott will be married; your straight marriage is in danger.  Don’t be surprised if you find yourself arguing more with your spouse.  Your husband may call to say he’s “working late” at the office; your wife may be especially vague about her weekend visit to her sister’s house.  Check your cell phone bill carefully and note any unfamiliar numbers and the time of the calls.  These are all signs that your marriage is crumbling and it’s most likely caused by the gay couple in your town who decided to get married.

 

 

Way to Go California!

 

California strikes down the same sex marriage ban clearing the way for gay and lesbian couples to get married legally!  That makes 2 states who have recognized they can no longer deny equal rights to couples based on their orientation.

Story from Yahoo News here.