25 Days Until the Big Gay Wedding

July 14, 2008
Vintage Tuxes
Vintage Tuxes

The day is quickly approaching, and like any other couple that is about to commit to a life time together, we are feeling the stress.  It hasn’t caused us to argue, but we both are definitely feeling the pressure of the approaching deadline. 

So here is an update.  Last week we decided that with less than a month to go, we should probably rent our tuxes.  It just so happened that we were at the mall on Thursday evening, and rather than make two trips, we should just stop in and get it done.  The mistake was not going on Wednesday.  Thursday, as it turns out, is the evening that all of the wedding parties come in for the last fitting before Saturday’s wedding.  Everyone has to try on their tux, if alterations are needed, they come back on Friday to pick up the suit.  If nothing needs changed, the tux goes with the customer.  We waited there a long time.  Some of the guys figured out that we weren’t there for the same reason they were.  A few kept staring, prompting Scott and I to say to each other that if they kept staring, we’d give them a show. 

When it was our turn, we got the newest employee in the shop.  She had been there all of three weeks, and knew almost nothing.  We stumped from the very beginning when she asked “which one of you is the groom?” and I replied “we both are.”  She took us across the showroom to look at the tuxes  hanging on the rack.  Once again she asked which of us is the groom, and we both replied “we both are.”  She finally caught on, but so did the father and son standing right behind us who then moved away, and from their new vantage point, talked quietly, and gesturing in our direction. 

She rifled through the tux jackets, emphasizing how many buttons were on each.  Is this something that guys worry about?  We talked about how we’d like a simple black tuxedo.  She took us to a catalog of available tux styles and again described each according to how many buttons were on the jacket.  When we got to the page with a basic black tux with a shawl collar, I stopped her and said “that one.” 

Next up was a discussion about pants.  I did not want pleated pants, and asked for a flat front, but she did not know which pants in the store were flat front.  She pointed to a mannequin and said that the pants were flat front, but when I lifted the vest, it revealed 2 small pleats on each side.  Eventually, she asked another employee and he was able to help her make that indication on our order form. 

The fitting:  all we can say is, we know we’ll be going back for a third fitting if the tuxes arrive according to this young lady’s measurements.  My neck is not 17.5″.  And while my belly has always been bigger than my waist, I don’t hike my pants to my navel, so please give me a pair of pants that fit my waist.  I went through 3 pairs to get a proper size.  Scott did the same thing.  At one point, Scott went back out front to get the manager, explaining to him that if he didn’t get back there to help with the fittings, we would walk to the store that is two doors down and rent our tuxes there.

An hour and a half of waiting, dealing with a novice, and getting fitted, we were done.  As our information was being entered in the computer, the “new girl” says “this is the first wedding I’ve booked!”   Well congratulations, sweetie, we’re glad it was our gay wedding that popped your cherry.

When we got to my car, we discovered that someone had messed with both side-view mirrors, and popped off the driver’s side mirror.  What does one make of this kind of thing?  Did the straight guys in the tux shop figure out which car was mine?  Did they engage in some gay-bashing vandalism?  Or was this just a random act of violence? 

The wine:  or should I say, the wine bottles?  The individual bottles of wine that we are giving as wedding favors have arrived and are presently being sterilized in the dishwasher.  I managed to fit all 108 of them in there, filling both the top and bottom racks.  Perhaps we’ll get them filled tonight. 

In other news, all of our children, 7 total (no Brady Bunch jokes, please) will be attending the wedding. 

Now if all of my readers would just make a donation to my PayPal account, we could actually afford to do this.

I’m kidding about the donations.





  1. Keltic, I’ve just discovered your blog today—and what a find! (I jumped here from a comment you left on Daily Briefing.) I’ve perused through a few posts and I love what I see. I’ll be back for more, but I just wanted to thank you for the voice you have in promoting a peaceful reconciliation between the church and gay community. I am in the beginning stages of just such an effort in my own very traditional, conservative church. I feel like something of a Lone Ranger, but I’m sure I will find like-minded souls who are just waiting for the chance to offer a grace-filled welcome to all.

    To stay on-topic here: congratulations on your upcoming wedding! How exciting for you both. May your marriage be a beacon to those who will see that it’s love that counts. Period.

  2. thanks Birdie, glad you stopped by!

  3. It sounds so wonderful! Good luck and Congratulations.

  4. The tuxes sound awesome… glad that you survived the fitting, but that really sucks about the vandalism to the car. The excitement continues to build….yay!!!!!

  5. ALL the kids will be there? This is wonderful news. I can’t wait to meet them!!!!
    You have such a talent for making everything seem humorous, even the stickiest situations. This was hilarious, although I am sure a bit of a pain (and of course the car thing wasn’t very funny), it is so good to see your sense of humor shine through in everything you write.

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