Posts Tagged ‘relationships’


The Wheel

July 16, 2009


I pulled a tarot card first thing this morning.  It was the Wheel of Fortune.  All in all this is a very good card.  It means that sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard or how little we’ve worked, some things just happen with no apparent reason, and they are to our benefit.  So today, I’m lucky, or so the cards would have me believe. 

I’m not a pessimist, but I’ve been thinking about this Wheel of Fortune.  It represents luck, but nothing about the card excludes bad luck or even mediocre luck.   A tarot website that I consulted, even suggested that this card is about karma, as in  “what goes around, comes around.”  Can that even be considered luck?

So now that I’ve been pondering on this card for nearly 6 hours, I’ve figured a few things out.  First, we’re lucky  for the majority of our waking hours.  We’re even lucky when we’re sleeping.   Many people die in their sleep every night; I didn’t last night, so I guess that makes me lucky. 

The candle I left burning while I went out this morning didn’t burn the house down.  I didn’t get hit by a truck while I was riding my bike to do some shopping.  I have sufficient physical fitness to ride a bicycle several miles.  No one stole the bike while I was in the store in spite of not using the lock to secure the bike.  

The convenience store was giving away free fruit smoothies.  I was able to ride my bike while carrying the smoothie.  There was no bad news in my mailbox.  I mislaid my cellphone, but found it quickly.  It looks like rain, but the sun is still shining.  A bee stung me 2 days ago, but I have anti-itch medicine to counteract the venom. 

My marriage is secure.  I have wonderful children.  My parents just celebrated 50 years of marriage.  Friends surround me.  I’m gainfully employed.  I have the summer off from work.  The tomatoes are starting to ripen.

So what is it that makes today luckier than other days?  Should I be on the lookout for that one big lucky event?  Should I buy a lottery ticket?

Or should I be content with the knowledge that on any given day, all of us are lucky to still be here?


Quit Your Whining About Valentine’s Day!

February 11, 2009



Listen up, all you straight guys!  A gay man is going to tell you what to do about Valentine’s Day.  You’ve been complaining for months that your girl, your wife, your significant other just isn’t putting out on a regular basis, and now, the one sure night you could get some loving, you’re going to mess it up by complaining that Hallmark is forcing you to say “I Love You” just so they and the florists can make huge profits.  Well, as the song goes, it ain’t necessarily so.  Valentine’s Day celebrations took place long before Hallmark ever printed a greeting card. 

So, let this romantic fairy tell you what you need to do to keep your woman happy, and score yourself some passionate lovemaking on February 14th.   First, stop complaining about how you’re being blackmailed, bribed, coerced, forced to fork out big bucks to let your girl know what she already knows:  that you love her.   Second, this little celebration doesn’t have to cost you a lot of money.  If your woman has any depth (read: not a shallow gold-digger), you can put forth a small amount of effort and reap big rewards. 

Here’s my suggestion:  DO buy a gift.  It can be something small, like a candle, or stuffed animal, or inexpensive jewelry.  You might even skip the gift, and buy the $15 flowers at WalMart, if you follow my next suggestion.

Dinner:  you can take her to dinner, but that may mean handing over big bucks, and that’s if you’ve remembered to make a reservation.  Instead, why not “cook” for her?  I know, you can’t cook, but I bet you have a microwave oven and a supermarket nearby.  Here’s the plan:  create an easy, almost no-cook meal, and serve it to her.   Most supermarkets make it almost painless to look like you’ve spent hours in the kitchen.   Purchase the following things:

  • bag of salad
  • small bag of sliced almonds for the salad
  • make sure you have salad dressing, something light
  • frozen vegetables in a steamer bag
  • rice or mashed potatoes in a microwave container
  • rotisserie chicken from the deli or Boston Market
  • 2 slices of cheesecake from the bakery

That’s the basic meal.  If you’ve got some skills you can add more to the salad, dress up the veggies, and add a sauce to the cheesecake.  Don’t forget some wine or champagne.

Now, get the table ready.  Think about where you will serve the meal.  The dining room is nice, but why not try another room?  How about setting up a small table, with a tablecloth, in the living room?  Even better, set the table in the bedroom.  Use your best dishes, add some candles, and be sure to have some music playing.  Make sure the music is conducive to getting her in the mood.   The best part of having dinner in the bedroom is that you’ve already got her close to the bed!  How can she refuse after all this “effort” you’ve made? 

Straight men:  I have faith in you!  You can do it!  And she will reward you with a night of passion, I guarantee it!


Finally, the Honeymoon!

November 26, 2008

Way too long ago, I promised that I would report on the events that took place after the Big Gay Wedding.  After much procrastination, here it is!

Monday morning, following our Saturday evening nuptials, Scott and I headed out to the airport, boarded our plane for Boston.  We took a water taxi to the dock where we would find our ferry.  In spite of some rain in Boston and gloomy skies while we were on the boat, we eventually arrived safely in Provincetown MA. 

on the bay

on the bay


Skies cleared as we pulled into PTown.  We found our bed & Breakfast, the Black Pearl, and checked in with no problems.  Soon we found ourselves walking Commercial Street, enjoying the sights and sounds of what is quickly becoming a home away from home for us.  Of course, we grabbed some seafood for dinner, and we planned our evenings, deciding which shows we might want to see. 

Most days, we spent our time at the beach.  We would pack our bags, grab the bus to Herring Cove, and make the trek through the moors to get to our destination.  This particular part of the beach is unofficially “clothing optional”  so we managed to tan some parts of our bodies that don’t see much sunlight! 

Scott took this from atop the dunes

Scott took this from atop the dunes


One day, we were concerned about the weather forecast.  The local stations were predicting rain.  For most of the morning, it looked like it the skies might open up and drench us.  We hesitated to make the trip to the beach, but hated to miss a day of fun in the sun.  We opted to rent bikes and ride through the Cape Cod National Seashore, a National Park.  This was one of the best things we did while on our honeymoon.  The dunes are incredible, the bike trail is enjoyable, and at times, a bit challenging. 

The Dunes

The Dunes


Scott entering the tunnel

Scott entering the tunnel

Steve coming out (again???) of the tunnel

Steve coming out (again???) of the tunnel


However, the very first thing we did when we arrived in Provincetown, was to visit the Town Hall, where we registered for our marriage license. 

PTown Town Hall

PTown Town Hall


Massachusetts requires a 3 day waiting period for marriage licenses.  We wanted to be sure to get ours, and allow an extra day for any glitches that might arise.  Monday afternoon we applied with no problems, and returned on Thursday morning to retrieve our official, legal, marriage license. 

We like to think of our legal wedding ceremony as the yin to the yang of our sacred celebration.  It was everything that the sacred ritual was not.  Our ceremony was performed by the Justice of the Peace, outside on the lawn of the Bed & Breakfast.  Our witnesses were the innkeepers, and the guests of the inn, a group of women on vacation together.  We asked the JP to use our vows from our wedding back home, and she added some additional, beautiful words about equality, and her personal joy of presiding at the weddings of gay and lesbian couples.  Champagne was poured, the license signed by the JP, and now, Scott and I are joined in both sacred and legal matrimony.

Steve and Scott with the JP

Steve and Scott with the JP

Repeating the Vows

Repeating the Vows

A Kiss Seals the Deal

A Kiss Seals the Deal


We are legally, sacredly, and happily married!  Each ceremony holds a special joy for us, the formality of one, the casual atmosphere of the other; the friends and family witnessing our love at home, and total strangers sharing the joy of our love at the b&b.  The elaborate meal and dancing to celebrate the sacred ritual, the sharing of wine with temporary friends who toasted our life together, followed by an intimate meal at a nearby restaurant, all of these weave themselves together to create a seamless memory of the week in which we got married, twice.  God grant you the same joy that we have found.


Wedding Day

August 9, 2008


This post has been written in advance so that I may simply log in here, post it for the public to see, and go about the business of getting married.  When I created this little slideshow, I noticed that both Scott and I are so very happy in all these pictures.  The first time I showed the finished product, complete with song selection, to Scott, he mentioned how happy we are.  Of course, by that point, I was in tears.  We are indeed very happy.  I am pleased to share our little video with you, so that you too can see just how happy we are. 

And so our day is here.  It’s been a long, sometimes frustrating week.  Overall, I have the sense that this is the right thing to do, and for the right reason:  LOVE.  I fought back the tears as we said our vows in rehearsal this evening.  In the end, it’s not about politics, not about a big gay wedding, not about flaunting tradition, nor is it about some secret gay agenda.  It’s about two people in love, making a commitment to honor each other, care for each other, and live out their love for a lifetime.  

We’ll be on our honeymoon for the next week.  I don’t expect to post anything here until August 18th at the earliest.


God Bless You All, for God has certainly blessed us.


25 Days Until the Big Gay Wedding

July 14, 2008
Vintage Tuxes
Vintage Tuxes

The day is quickly approaching, and like any other couple that is about to commit to a life time together, we are feeling the stress.  It hasn’t caused us to argue, but we both are definitely feeling the pressure of the approaching deadline. 

So here is an update.  Last week we decided that with less than a month to go, we should probably rent our tuxes.  It just so happened that we were at the mall on Thursday evening, and rather than make two trips, we should just stop in and get it done.  The mistake was not going on Wednesday.  Thursday, as it turns out, is the evening that all of the wedding parties come in for the last fitting before Saturday’s wedding.  Everyone has to try on their tux, if alterations are needed, they come back on Friday to pick up the suit.  If nothing needs changed, the tux goes with the customer.  We waited there a long time.  Some of the guys figured out that we weren’t there for the same reason they were.  A few kept staring, prompting Scott and I to say to each other that if they kept staring, we’d give them a show. 

When it was our turn, we got the newest employee in the shop.  She had been there all of three weeks, and knew almost nothing.  We stumped from the very beginning when she asked “which one of you is the groom?” and I replied “we both are.”  She took us across the showroom to look at the tuxes  hanging on the rack.  Once again she asked which of us is the groom, and we both replied “we both are.”  She finally caught on, but so did the father and son standing right behind us who then moved away, and from their new vantage point, talked quietly, and gesturing in our direction. 

She rifled through the tux jackets, emphasizing how many buttons were on each.  Is this something that guys worry about?  We talked about how we’d like a simple black tuxedo.  She took us to a catalog of available tux styles and again described each according to how many buttons were on the jacket.  When we got to the page with a basic black tux with a shawl collar, I stopped her and said “that one.” 

Next up was a discussion about pants.  I did not want pleated pants, and asked for a flat front, but she did not know which pants in the store were flat front.  She pointed to a mannequin and said that the pants were flat front, but when I lifted the vest, it revealed 2 small pleats on each side.  Eventually, she asked another employee and he was able to help her make that indication on our order form. 

The fitting:  all we can say is, we know we’ll be going back for a third fitting if the tuxes arrive according to this young lady’s measurements.  My neck is not 17.5″.  And while my belly has always been bigger than my waist, I don’t hike my pants to my navel, so please give me a pair of pants that fit my waist.  I went through 3 pairs to get a proper size.  Scott did the same thing.  At one point, Scott went back out front to get the manager, explaining to him that if he didn’t get back there to help with the fittings, we would walk to the store that is two doors down and rent our tuxes there.

An hour and a half of waiting, dealing with a novice, and getting fitted, we were done.  As our information was being entered in the computer, the “new girl” says “this is the first wedding I’ve booked!”   Well congratulations, sweetie, we’re glad it was our gay wedding that popped your cherry.

When we got to my car, we discovered that someone had messed with both side-view mirrors, and popped off the driver’s side mirror.  What does one make of this kind of thing?  Did the straight guys in the tux shop figure out which car was mine?  Did they engage in some gay-bashing vandalism?  Or was this just a random act of violence? 

The wine:  or should I say, the wine bottles?  The individual bottles of wine that we are giving as wedding favors have arrived and are presently being sterilized in the dishwasher.  I managed to fit all 108 of them in there, filling both the top and bottom racks.  Perhaps we’ll get them filled tonight. 

In other news, all of our children, 7 total (no Brady Bunch jokes, please) will be attending the wedding. 

Now if all of my readers would just make a donation to my PayPal account, we could actually afford to do this.

I’m kidding about the donations.



My Gay Wedding

July 8, 2008


We are at the one month point on the countdown to the big gay wedding.  There’s so much to do, and emotions are running high.  Fortunately, that hasn’t resulted in any arguing, but let’s just say physical encounters of the intimate kind are, well, super-charged. 

Invitations were mailed out about three weeks ago and the rsvp’s are coming in.  I’m keeping track of them at an online wedding planning site.  It’s been fun seeing who is prompt and who isn’t, who is coming, who has declined and what their preference is for the meal. 

One of my singer’s may be backing out through no fault of her own.  Her husband accepted a job in Texas and is moving the family there about 3 weeks before our wedding date.  It’s hard to let her go, but it’s not easy trying to guilt her into staying her until after the wedding.  I hope she can fly back for the ceremony, but I don’t have the cash to finance that trip!

The wine bottles arrived today.  I ordered 108 5-ounce bottles for the favors.  We’ll sanitize them and fill them with the homemade wine that we’ve made just for the wedding.  With any luck there will be some left over and we can share a bottle on the honeymoon. 

I’ve been playing with the  Windows Movie Maker software and put several of our pictures into a sappy and romantic video.  I showed it to Scott this evening and we made a decision about the song we wanted to accompany the pictures.  We chose Barbra Streisand’s I Have Dreamed/We Kiss in a Shadow/Something Wonderful from her 1985 Broadway Album.  Once I put the music with the video and reviewed with Scott, he stated what I noticed while I was working on it:  We look so happy in all those pictures.  It didn’t take me long before the tears were flowing.  Yes, we are happy in those photos, and we’re happy now as we begin our life as a married couple. 


Yes, we’ve heard that gay is a misnomer and that gay couples aren’t happy.  That’s just not true.  30 days until we say “I do.”  Who could be happier?


Pride in NYC

July 2, 2008

My soon-to-be husband and I spent the weekend in New York City to celebrate Pride and visit with some very dear Internet friends.  It was a simple trip from here: straight across Pennsylvania on the turnpike, pick up a train at the station in Trenton NJ, arrive at Penn Station and take the subway to the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  It was a 7 hour trip which, I figure, is not bad considering that Google Maps says it should have taken 6 hours if we had driven the entire way.  In a tip of the hat to the Village People, we stayed at the YMCA. 

While we waited for my friend Daniel to teach a voice lesson, Scott and I bought a bottle of wine and headed to Central Park.  We found a secluded spot where we were spied on by a squirrel.  We decided to keep looking around and headed for Strawberry Fields.  Scott took us off the path and we sat on a rock, finished the wine and watch people on the pathway.  By the time we met up with Daniel, we were both feeling pretty good, and needed some food to help absorb the alcohol. 

That evening we had dinner at the Metropolitan Museum and then strolled the many galleries before walking through Central Park to return to Daniel and Jonathan’s apartment for conversation and a little more wine. 

Saturday started with breakfast at the farmer’s market in Lincoln Plaza, and as the subway station was right underneath us, we decided to head to Times Square.  We walked around downtown Manhattan, did a few tourist things, like Rockefeller Center, St. Patrick’s Cathedral, and even did some shopping in stores that we just don’t have at home.  Eventually we made it to Grand Central Station where we hopped a subway uptown to the east side and hung out at the Guggenheim Museum.  We took a brief detour to the Cooper-Hewitt Museum to look in the museum shop, then we headed back into Central Park. 

Saturday evening was reserved for dinner with our Soulforce friends at Daniel and Jonathan’s apartment.  The food was great, the conversation was lively, and Daniel and I performed a number for our friends. 

Sunday morning found us back at the apartment for breakfast before heading downtown for the Pride Parade.  This was our first time for Pride in NYC.  We found a good spot in front of the library.  We were shaded by a large tree and had a good view of the parade.  Jenna’s enthusiasm at the parade was contagious.  At times, she would cheer for something she saw and I’d laugh because I’d never think of cheering for such a thing, but why not?  For instance, she loved this marcher’s sign:

 Just a little over 2 hours after the parade started, it down-poured.  We got soaked and eventually went to the portico of the library.  We took our shirts off, wrung them out and tried to stay dry.  In time, the sun came out again and we continued watching the procession until the very end, a total of 4 hours. 

We all returned to the apartment, changed into dry clothes and then it was time to say good-bye.  Andy and Jenna needed to head back to Schenectady, Scott and I needed to begin our journey to PA.  It was tough to leave our friends behind.  Of course, we’ll all be together again in a few weeks at our wedding

It’s not always dangerous to meet up with people you know from the Internet.  As a matter of fact, it can enrich your life!